In December 1980, after being married for some twenty-two years and bringing four children into the world our life took a dramatic turn. We discovered that our eldest son Matthew [8] had a brain tumour the size of a man’s fist. We were absolutely devastated. As Matt was taken to an adjoining room for another x-ray we threw our arms around each other and cried.

Matthew underwent surgery the following morning. After a two-week stay in the Hobart Hospital, he underwent a four-week course of radiation therapy in Launceston. When school resumed in February he was able to attend classes again.

In the months following he experienced a number of health problems. He had several fits due to incorrect balance of medication, which is prescribed to those who have brain surgery. Towards the end of 1981 the headaches returned and we were informed that the tumour had come back and Matthew was not expected to live very long. “Another operation would extend his life by a few months or you can let him die now” the surgeon informed us. His statement made Matthew’s condition sound so final. We were again devastated to hear these words.

Just how do you return to your waiting nine-year old son after hearing such a prognosis? Naturally Matthew asked us what the doctor had said. Somehow we were able to avoid the real issue but gave him enough information to satisfy his curiosity. Immediately after the Christmas break we made arrangements for Matthew to have further surgery. As parents, we could not simply let our little son die without giving him another chance of living.

Surgery was performed early in the New Year and Matt made a good recovery once again. However the headaches never completely ceased and he experienced a gradual decline in health. As the months went by he would listen to many faith-building messages on audio and videotapes. This strengthened his trust in God. He had absolute faith that he would be made well again.

In the autumn of 1983 Matt asked us one day if he could be baptised. He had heard it spoken about over the years and decided that he should obey Jesus’ command. Although almost blind by then, Matt was baptised in front of a packed church.

A short time later, in August, Matt received ultimate healing when he left us to be with his Saviour, Jesus
Christ. When he opened his blind eyes the first person he saw was Jesus who was standing at Heaven’s door to welcome him in. When suggesting the second operation the doctor said that it could possibly give Matt another six months but in fact God gave us another nineteen months to share with our precious child.

Just a few short years later in 1987 our attention turned to our eldest daughter Chris who was now married with two young children. Another boy, James had died only a few hours after birth. Chris visited a doctor as a mole on her leg was causing her some concern. The doctor organised immediate surgery. A few days later the laboratory reports were received and we were once again shocked to hear the word ‘cancerous’. Further surgery was carried out. More tissue was removed and a skin graft performed to reduce the resultant scar. The prognosis was that the cancer was all removed but it could return at any time. And it did. Chris had recovered quite well after a number of weeks in hospital.

Towards the end of 1987 the cancer moved through her body causing her much pain and discomfort. On December 11 she went to meet her Saviour, Jesus, as well as her son and little brother who she had loved so dearly. All her pain and suffering was now over.

As parents, how do you cope with the deaths of your grandson, son and daughter in the space of six years? The natural progression usually is for us to grow older and die before our children but when this doesn’t happen it is hard. We thank God that we had a Christian heritage and a strong personal Christian faith, which has helped us through these valley experiences. We also thank God for our family and many friends who stood by us in prayer and supported us in many practical ways.

We are comforted by scriptures from the Bible and have the assurance that our children had a personal faith in Christ Jesus as their Saviour. We eagerly look forward to the day when we will be reunited with them.

Each time we lost a loved one, unconsciously we had the choice as to how we would react or respond to others. We could have remained the same and not let the death affect us. We could have given up on life and become a social recluse. Some become more sensitive, emotionally stronger or wiser because of the intense experience. It’s up to us what choices we will make.

When a married couple is experiencing grief it is sometimes difficult to relate to each other or even talk about the situation while the partner is facing a similar emotional reaction. At times we are not able to turn to the other for comfort as each may be in need of the same comfort. Despite this we have always found a comfort in the Holy Spirit. Isaiah 61:2 says that the Spirit of the Lord comes to comfort all who mourn. Again in 2 Corinthians 1:1-3 we are assured of God’s comfort. He comforts us so that we in turn can be in a position to comfort others as the need arises. With God, the sting has been taken out of death. Jesus Christ conquered death when He rose from the dead. Because of Christ’s death and triumphant resurrection, we do not mourn as those with no hope
for the future.

Some may ask, ‘Why weren’t your children healed when they had been prayed for so much, they had faith and believed that they would be healed?’ We can’t answer that other than to say that God is sovereign and knows what is best. Yes, we have seen many people receive healing through a touch from God over the years and yes, we too have asked the question, ‘Why not our children?’

We believe that the secret is complete submission to His will, whatever that may mean, then complete trust in His sovereignty. Statistics tell us that between seventy-five and eighty five percent of marriages fall apart when they lose a child. We would encourage people to pray for and stand by in support of those who do experience such an event.

Let us encourage anyone who is going through a time of grief or hardship to keep his or her eyes on God. A valley normally contains the fertile soil and a running stream that causes growth. It’s in the valleys of life that we grow the most.

It is now over twenty years since the above events and we can testify of God’s goodness to us. To write the book “Through The Valleys” and re-live all the memories in such a short time was indeed difficult, but the blessings that it has bought to so many people has shown us that it was well worth the pain. We have had so many positive comments from people all over the country and beyond.

The past few years have been so full and rewarding as we have served in missions and met so many people and made lasting friendships. Although we have in a sense lost a son and a daughter, God has given back to us such a larger family of ‘sons’ and ‘daughters’ both here in Tasmania and in Adelaide.

If you would like to read the full account of their loss, ask Murray or Grace for your free copy of their book, “Through the Valleys”.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you - Isaiah 43:2